Silent December
by exhaleblue
Summary: A One Shot. Edward and Bella are seniors in high school that have to deal with a life alternating choice that will break them apart. Deals with dark and heartbreaking themes. AH


A One Shot that's a song fic that deals with dark and heartbreaking themes please read with caution…Thank You.

Brick ~ Ben Folds Five

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**December **

_6 am day after Christmas _

_I throw on some clothes in the dark_

His eyes followed individual snow flakes that came into his view outside his bedroom window. Silently the white specks of frigid ice fell to the earth covering the small town with a blanket of white cleanliness. A light glow surrounded his home from the Christmas lights, the season for family. The world is asleep oblivious to his heartache as a silent single tear falls from his green desperate broken eyes.

The warm comfortable quilt that his grandmother made for him when he was eight exactly ten years ago is wrapped around him like it was the only thing keeping him together. He hasn't slept this night. He glances to his left and notes the time in bright red numbers 6:00 AM. Green eyes close as more anguished silent tears roll down his defined masculine cheeks.

_The smell of cold_

_Car seat is freezing_

_The world is sleeping _

_And I am numb_

Quietly he stands and unwraps himself from his soft patched sanctuary. Grey sweats are replaced by black jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt, his mourning attire. Shuffled feet move towards his bathroom, the light is switched on. Fluorescent light floods the small but very clean space. Sallow skin, bloodshot pained green eyes, and trembling pale lips stare back at the young all star athlete.

Harsh swallows in desperate attempts to keep the sobs at bay fill the chilled December air. A morning has never felt so lonely or so excruciating for the young man that is valedictorian of his senior class.

With a heaved broken sigh he shuts his bathroom light off and shuffles his feet towards his door. Sorrow swells around him in a suffocating iron mask, he can't catch his breath. Hushed steps lead him to the front door where he picks up the keys to his used silver Volvo. Noiselessly he opens the door to the winter cold that stings his handsome agonized face. He hops inside and starts the car to make it warm for the woman he loves.

_Up the stairs to her apartment_

_She is balled up on the couch_

Her brown eyes were closed as warm tortured tears fell onto her folded hands under her face. The frayed floral couch her parents got as a wedding gift shifted under her as the love of her life sat down next to her. His presence made the ache that swelled inside her like a raging thunderstorm breakthrough. His large warm gentle hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her to him. They fell together off of a dark cliff into raging waves of despair, they might never resurface. Tortured teenagers sobbed, and cried together.

_Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte_

_They're not home to find us out_

_And we drive_

He reached up for her coat she received as a second hand gift from a friend at school in the small closet by the front door. The blue and white jacket was pushed and pulled onto her as he held her to him; he needed to keep his strength for her.

They didn't know what else to do. They both have scholarships. They both have dreams. They both were too scared to talk to an adult that would be willing to give those options and choices. They felt that they only had each other.

He opened her front door the sting of the cold December air hit them as he held her to him curling his body around hers as a shield. Carefully they descended the stairs together, the other an anchor of strength. Fluttering white danced around them like fairies riding on the frigid air. He opened the car door and helped her buckle up. Protect her that was always his promise. Then why does he feel like he failed miserably at this.

_Now that I have found someone _

_I'm feeling more alone_

_Than I ever have before_

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly_

In silence they drove to the large town that housed their end. Christmas lights hung from homes and landscapes. He navigated through the snow covered streets with a rigid body. The windshield wipers squeaked against the glass that was dotted by the iced water. Golden hues started shining through the trees; the morning sun was getting ready to greet the residents.

Seven traffic lights and four stop signs later they reached the very plain brick building. Nothing screamed murder, grief, or heartbreak from this building. He pulled into the parking lot and parked his car with a heavy heart. Her eyes remained focused on the outside December air.

"Are you sure?" he croaked out, his hands were shaking as he turned the car off.

Her head turned not meeting his eyes but her eyes now focused on her trembling hands.

"Yes," she whispered.

They had this discussion hundreds of times since they read the very clear 'Pregnant' words on his bathroom floor, three weeks ago. It was just them, no one else knows. They were frightened of ridicule, terrified of being ripped apart, and agonized about not being able to go to college and make a life together.

Abortion.

They picked up pamphlets. They Googled. They read. They agreed. This choice was the only option they could find that made sense. Even now as they sat outside of the brick building they couldn't make sense of anything.

Air seemed to be pulled from each of their lungs as they reached to unbuckle their seatbelts and listened as his hand reached for the door handle.

"I love you Bella," he whispered in strangled voice, he was broken.

Bella reached out and pulled him to her, she needed his strength.

"I love you so much Edward," she cried into his neck.

Their embrace lasted fifteen minutes.

Edward opened his door and walked around to hers and pulled it open reaching out for her. Their hands clasped together as their feet that felt like they were dragging lead weights shuffled to the glass door. He reached with his free hand and opened the door. Beige walls, chairs with light green fabrics were scattered throughout the chilly and desolate looking office.

Their eyes automatically went to the blonde secretary behind the glass partition that slid open and close. She had soft understanding eyes as the young couple approached together trembling hand in trembling hand.

"Name please?" the lady dressed in light blue scrubs asked.

Bella swallowed heavily and opened her pale lips. "Isabella Swan," her voice rasped. The lady nodded and picked up some paperwork attached them to a clipboard and handed them to Bella with a pen.

"Please fill out what you can, I need your ID…the doctor will be right with you when that is filled out," she said softly and typed a few things on her computer after Bella handed in her drivers license.

Bella swallowed harshly again trying to get her emotions under check. She knows this is the right thing to do. Edward led her to a row of chairs that they sat in and she started shakily filling out the paperwork. Edward sat next to her with bouncing legs and a constricted chest. He felt so worthless.

Bella filled out what she could and handed it back in grabbing her license back. They needed to verify her age, as this was completely anonymous.

A door clicked in the area to their right, both young devastated eyes turned to the young nurse in scrubs. "Isabella Swan," she called quietly. No one else was in this room with the young couple.

They both stood as Bella turned to Edward with agonized eyes and a slight shake of her head. She had questions she couldn't do this with him in there. His eyes widened in complete disbelief. She didn't want him. His chest shook tightly with a heavy sob. He turned his eyes away from her and gave a curt nod.

She wrapped her arms around him and shoved her face into his chest. "I love you Edward," she whispered with all her conviction.

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly_

_Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere_

_She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly_

He couldn't say it back. He was beyond confused and hurt. He just stood there.

Her arms fell limply at her sides as she walked by herself to the waiting nurse. Edward walked briskly outside with no glance at his precious Bella.

The moment the glass door opened Edward let the painful constricting sobs erupt, they were painful. They tore at his throat, a raw anguished cry. The December air that still held snow continued to surround him. He felt like he was drowning in an ocean of suffering. He didn't want this. He would have a million babies with Bella, they could do it.

He opened his mouth to feed his deprived lungs chilled air. It hit him like tidal wave, sorrow, guilt, hatred, hopelessness, and loneliness. His feet paced the parking lot as he waited in despair, making a pathway in the white wet that saturated his clothed shoes.

_They call her name at 7:30_

_I pace around the parking lot_

He needed to do something. They were paying for this out of their pockets he went back to his car and drove to the nearest mega store to return his Christmas gifts. As he waited in line he saw others returning gifts because they didn't like the colors, or it didn't fit right. In his arms he held the payment for a murder of his baby, his bottom lip trembled.

How can Christmas ever be joyous for him again?

After he received the wad of bills from the disgruntled clerk, he walked back to his car. His mind was a white wall, blank and numb. He didn't know what to think, what to say. He was slowly breaking down.

_Then I walk down to buy her flowers_

_And sell some gifts that I got_

When he reached the clinics parking lot he spotted a florists shop a block back. The money was like the devils own lying in his pocket. His Bella was going to be so broken after this, this was his fault. He was supposed to always protect her. He sobbed into his gloved hands because he failed her in the worst way.

He walked in the snow that now reached his mid calf and walked into the florists shop. A small bell announced the devastated teen's arrival. His eyes searched for Bella's favorite Calla Lilies. He spotted them behind clear glass in a large refrigerator; his hands reached out to pull it open and grabbed the white flowers.

Shuffled soaked freezing feet met the counter with a kind woman that stared at the young man with red puffy eyes.

"These are a beautiful choice," she said as she rang up the delicate flowers.

"Choice" rang in the air. He closed his eyes as that word felt like a strangled breath.

"That will be $18.75," she said quietly seeing the young and very pained looking man stand in front of her with red puffy closed eyes.

He nodded and pulled out a very large roll of fifties and twenties. He handed her a twenty and grabbed the white flowers of "choice", and walked out without his change.

The snow was still silently falling covering everything in white innocence that you don't want to touch in fear of taking away its sheer beauty with greedy gloved hands.

He threw his hood up and walked to the clinic, flowers clutched in his trembling hand.

_Can't you see_

_It's not me that you're dying for _

_Now she's feeling more alone_

_Then she ever has been before_

He walked into the still empty room and sat down in the farthest row of chairs as he waited the flowers on his lap. Green bloodshot eyes couldn't focus on anything.

In another room brown eyes that are shedding tears as a nurse holds an agonized young woman close as a loud broken sob resounds through the room like an imploding building. It's deafening.

Bella walks out with eyes that wont stop shedding tears into the room where she left her one and only…Edward. His head was down; hands in pockets, ankles crossed he slowly lifted his eyes that were shedding tears as well to hers. They both sucked in sharp breaths, nothing was said. He stood held out her flowers, she squeezed her eyes more tears fell. She reached out and took them; no smiles met their trembling lips.

He shuffled closer to her and wrapped an arm around her and leaned his cheek to rest on her head. In silence with the staff watching they walked out of the desolate room, together. He opened the car door for; she sat and buckled up in silence. What can be said? Nothing.

He walks around and opens his door, starts the car, and reverses out of the parking lot. No sounds but the snow crunching under his tires can be heard. They both slowly reached out and met in the middle fingers lacing together.

When they reached her apartment he did his customary chivalrous boyfriend duties he has always done. He walked her up to the apartment.

"I love you Edward," she said again as they stood outside her door her voice thick with so much emotions.

Edward exhaled a long shaky breath and wrapped her up into him. "I love you too," he rasped into her brown soft hair.

They broke apart, both knowing this has changed everything.

With tears streaking down both pinked cheeks they both headed in opposite directions.

_As weeks went by_

_It showed she was not fine_

_They told me son its time to tell the truth_

_She broke down and I broke down_

'_Cause I was tired of lying_

**January**

Edward and Bella haven't spoken to each other since that day. Nothing can be said. He blames himself, he blames her. He hates himself, he hates her. His parents know something is terribly wrong with their son. He lost his appetite, he lost weight, and he doesn't participate in his sports he used to be so fond of. But most of all he hasn't even mentioned Bella's name.

One day after school let out that Bella hasn't been attending since that day due to an illness. Rumors have spread like wildfire. Edward called a few nights after she didn't show up and Charlie Bella's father said she had the flu. That was almost three weeks ago. Carlisle and Esme his parents pulled their son to the dining room.

Edward sat across from them with downcast eyes and folded arms on the table. Esme and Carlisle flanked his sides.

"What is wrong Edward?" Esme asked her son softly.

A few minutes of silent but tense filled minutes passed until soft sniffles were heard.

"We made a huge mistake," Edward harshly croaked, his voice tense with sobs wanting to burst forth.

Esme gasped and Carlisle lowered his face to look at his sons lowered one. "What mistake son?" they knew Bella was part of this.

A loud strangled sob heaved from Edward's chest that caused both parents to startle in alarm and put reassuring arms and touches on their son.

"The baby, it wasn't the mistake…our…choice," Edward sobbed into his chest as he couldn't look at their faces.

Carlisle reached out and pulled his son sharply to him, where his son completely broke down. His raw aches, pains, and agony poured out of him as he wailed into his father's chest like a wounded animal. Keening and screams erupted from Edward as he fisted his hands into his father's shirt. Esme surrounded her son in her arms from behind as she didn't know what else to do for her agonized and broken son.

_Driving home to her apartment_

_For the moment we're alone_

_She's alone_

_I'm alone_

_Now I know it_

When Edward was able to talk he told his parents everything. They had sex sometimes they were impatient and irresponsible and chose to not use a condom. He told them about selling his Christmas gifts to fund the abortion. His parents felt every ounce of their son's misery and cried with him, they were both so young and alone in this. They felt as if they failed as parents not because their son chose to have unprotected sex, everyone does. But because they both felt so alone and didn't tell anyone, they want their son to come to them about anything.

A call to Charlie later that night to drive over there so they could talk, Edward and Bella needed to see each other.

Meanwhile Bella was lying on her bed reading a book she bought the other day at the local used bookstore. She heard a knock and muffled voices in the front rooms. Her brow furrowed not expecting company. She stood and fixed her sweats and sweatshirt and walked towards the voices.

She rounded the hallway corner and gasped clutching her chest as she stared wide eyed at the five figures standing in the living room. She could see the Cullen's had been crying, her heart sank. They knew. She couldn't meet Edward's gaze.

A throat cleared. "Bella I think we have something to talk about," Charlie said while grabbing his wife Renee's hand and pulling her down to couch. He felt winded.

Esme and Carlisle each sat on the separate recliners, as Edward and Bella stood awkwardly. Bella's eyes still trained down to her feet.

"Bella?" Renee questioned her daughter having a pretty good idea what this is about.

Bella lifted her face and her eyes landed on Edward's. His eyes kept searching hers, he was worried about her.

Bella swallowed. "Edward and I got pregnant," she said quietly but it was heard by everyone. Two gasps of surprises from her parents were heard, then a soft sob from Renee.

"Bella honey theirs more," Esme said in encouragement as Bella needs to talk to someone about this.

A sharp breath was sucked in. "Edward and I went to get an abortion…," she trailed off as everyone in the room was now crying.

Edward and Bella's eyes met and she looked ashamed. "I couldn't do it," she rasped. "I didn't want to tell you because I felt like that was what you wanted…"

A very loud breath being pulled into disbelieving lungs was heard by Bella's ears. Two tears fell from his green eyes.

"What?" Edward croaked, trying to understand.

Bella's eyes still trained on Edward's answered. "The baby, is twelve weeks today," she confirmed and heard more gasps as Edward rushed to her picking her up as he fell to his knees pulling her down with him. He was beyond grateful, relieved, and happy. His knees buckled by the sheer force of this feeling.

He protected Bella as he covered her in wet salty kisses, and for the first time his hands searched for her tummy. His warm shaky hands went under the fabric of her sweatshirt and palmed her slightly hard stomach.

"Hey baby," he whispered with the first smile that he's had in a month.

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Okay I didn't mean to offend anyone with this. I am sorry if I did.

I became a mother at fifteen so this is some personal feelings and experiences thrown in their.


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